i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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