I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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