Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
