We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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