My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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