whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
