He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
