My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The adults are the big ones right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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