U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
