I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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