fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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