why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
