I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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