Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
