Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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