so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
