good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
