She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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