I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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