No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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