I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
