He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
