shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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