I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
