A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
