In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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