Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
