I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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