I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
