she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
