Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
