Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
