I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
