You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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