hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
