then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
