one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
