Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
