Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
