dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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