You're completely useless in the revolution.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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