Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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