Please, let me fuck your mom
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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