I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
