i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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