Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just blew my weed a kiss
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
