so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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