I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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