Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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