in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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