Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
