My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
