i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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