On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
