College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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