Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
