it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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